Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
