not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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