youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
