..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
