This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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