After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
