Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
