walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
