Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
