I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
