I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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