i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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