he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
