the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize