Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
