We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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