Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
