everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
