I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
