I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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