Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
