So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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