Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
