I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Randomize
