BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
