dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dignity is for republicans.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
