i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
