So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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