Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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