ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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