Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
