The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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