I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My sheets look like a crime scene.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
