either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
