Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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