I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
