I hope mine doesn't look like that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
