seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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