i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
