I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
