wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
