I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
