Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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