i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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