She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
