PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
