I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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