I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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