I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
