he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize