Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
