And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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