proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
