She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
