in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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