Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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