Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
