Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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