Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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