He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
