Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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