I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
