im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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