Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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