I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
