I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
