I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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