You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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