Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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