Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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