how can u be prego again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
