I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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