i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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