I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
