She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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