3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
