It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I could fuck to npr.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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