You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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