Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
