Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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