Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
