so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
