just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
