It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
