Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
