I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
