I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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