There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
