Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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