Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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