i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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