Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
