yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
