Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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