Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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